No longer a girl, now a woman.

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It snuck up on me.
I wasn’t expecting it.

Suddenly I am closer to 40 than 30. And I realized that I now refer to myself as a woman, and not a girl.
I still have a inclination for potty humor, and my goofiness and irreverence are some of my favorite qualities. But now as I am shepherding women in the 20’s and early 30’s through this journey of life, I realize where I am now, and where I was then.

I have a sense of relaxation in myself I never thought I’d have. I see my blind spots, my flaws, my faults, and the many qualities I have judged for so long. The qualities I thought needed to be remedied and changed. And some of them do- but many are simply who I am for now. And it will change again and again as the aging continues. And that feels good. It feels like something I can let that judgmental voice in my head surrender into.

At a very temporal level; a friend was talking about doing their taxes, and I was remembering that I used to dread when my father would stop doing them for me. And then I got married and now my husband does them for me. Should I do them myself? Sure. Could I? Sure. But doing taxes is not my strong point, it’s simply who I am this time around. That kind of realization used to bring shame, a “what’s wrong with me?” sensation. Now, I think who cares? We gots what we gots.

And that relaxation, that surrender, that grace, makes me feel like someone I can call a woman.

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